Believing or not believing in something sometimes sucks!!! As when we hear something we try to contradict that with the information that our Brain's 0.000001 GB database has.
Believe it or not:
Indians can also be punctual. Sometimes once a week, sometimes once a month.
Germans some times marry because government gives them lot of extra advantages which they don't get in live in relationship.
Germans think that Main language in India is "Indu" or "Indisch", they go crazy when they see 2 Indians talking in English and politely ask why you don't have the same mother tongue. (Ab Kaun samzhaye unko ki Language banane ka sabse bada theka Indians ne hi liya tha....)
In Germany the only people who are jealous of Indians are ...................................other Indians.
Be extremely careful when you pronounce U.S (United States), you might loose your job as your boss might hear U.S as "You ASS".
Onion and woman have only one thing in common: " both are the only things that can force a "MAN to CRY".
Only lazy people can be creative. Its simple logic...as lazy people are always busy discovering shortcuts to avoid labor.....So guys the Mantra for this century is "BLBC" (Be lazy be creative)
Some wise man have said : "Behind the success of every man there is a hand of woman" BUT i want to ask them...Why only Hand.....why not full woman...???????????
I tell you why..because when woman keep taking out money from their husbands/boyfriends pocket(by their hands), these poor guys are forced to work extra harder for their survival and hence making them successful.
Financial situation at the moment is so bad dat women are now marrying 4 luv...
The way Mumbai's Goverment hate Bihari's.....I am scared they will soon ban this bhajan ...............................Radhe Radhe Japo chale aayenge Bihariiiiiiiiiiii.
When a Indian girl comes to her Father and says, Papa I have a boyfriend- father asks to his daughter - whats your problem??? (why cant you stay single till we get you married),
In Western countries the father says the same to his daughter - whats your problem??? (he means, whats wrong with you?? why don't you have a boyfriend???).
To be continued...
Your feedbacks will help me stich my chair...
Your's Phatichair
with Bharat might just spice up your day!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
A night "Painfull Memory"
"No pain no gain" is what i have learned in the past 23 years of my life. I truly believe in this too when it comes to studies, sports or following rules. This statement of no pain no gain was proven baseless by life as i spent a painful (Shoulder Pain) night "14.febuary.2009". I wonder what i gained out of this pain? Is the gain collecting a memory for this horrible night?
I was feeling that some one is slowly inserting a niddle in my shoulder.I want to stop it but I can't, I want to run away but I can't. Slowly slowly that niddle is going deeper and making me feel absolutely crazy and helpless. I in order to deviate my mind from this brutal pain, went to meet my friend in his room and when he started talking, I had a very strong urge to slap him (very hard). I was so frurstrated with my ever increasing pain that i found myself restless and since I coudn't hear or bear him anymore, I left that place immediately in order to avoid showing off my pain & irritattion.
Some times life becomes so funny to you and makes you feel that even if you are the richest person on this earth, you cannot avoid pain & buy sleep. I kept on applying Moov during whole night and tryed many times to sleep but every effort was a waste. Thats where you feel why god and wisdom are just a hope and not the solution in your tough times.
I started to dig out the reasons why it happen and i realised that it was because of my heroic effort of picking up a very heavy bag of my senior to help him shift his apartments. Even though i had a good intention i got pain in return but still we say No pain no Gain, "FUNNY".
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Amit Ka Alarm
Is topic pe bat karna kafi khatarnak sidh ho sakta hai because "Amit" kafi hasht puscht aur tandoorust kism ka Banda hai.... Germany ki police be bharoosa rakhte hue main aage likhne ki himmat kar raha hoon... ( Its about my friend Amit Singroha )
"Amit Ka Alarm"
I shifted in Amit's room as i needed accomodation for few days before i can finally shift to Heidelberg for begining my Internship. Its truly said "an idea can change your life but I felt later it should have been rewritten as "a bad idea can ruin your life". Aakhir Utpeden aur atyahcar ki bhi koi seema hoti hai.
Before I explain the Alarm Saga, I want to write little bit about my friend Amit, who is a wonderful human being and offcourse yaaro ka yaar. Some of his wonders are as follows:
1. This guy Loves Butter and desi Ghee... he loves it as much as an old man loves his artificial teeths or as much as a German girl loves her American Boyfriend..Without butter he cannot eat his dinner..He puts a thick slice of butter in any kind of sabzi and eats it. This shayri perfectly explains his love for butter: "Amit aur uska ghee aksar yeh baatein karte hain "tum na hote toh main kaise hota, jispe ghee bolta hai amit se, abe tu na hota toh mera market mein itna rate bhi na hota".
2. He Smiles a lot and has a very cute Smile( isko hamesha hasne ki itni buri aadat hai ki, kabhi kabhi shak hota hai ki yeh wakai mere chutkule pe hasa ke mere pe hasa". Leave that, he is teaching some chineese how to Smile, first tip that he gave to them was - try to open your eyes when you want to smile. In returns, he asks them to cut his hairs as saloon is quite costly here in Germany, I wonder who benefits more in this deal.
3. He likes fruit juices a lot and can drink them irrespective of the occasion or gathering, sometimes he gets drunk by juices only. bhai aakhir Beer aur alchohol mein aakhir hote toh fruits hi hain naaa.
4. He likes washing his dirty clothes using others money in the washing machine, he will wake up at 2am in night and check if any washing machines are empty, bhai is mamle mein toh Maa kasam India ke baniyo ko bhi isne koso meel peeche chod diyaaa!!
But coming back to "ALARM saga", It was june 2009 when poor me decided to shift in his room for a month, I mean, I never expected that one can play such horrible songs as morning alarm, that can wake you up not thinking its morning, but waking you up to kill the singer or the person who owns that phone (In this case Amit was never an option nor was the singer).
Days passed into weeks and I woke up each day with only one hope that one day Amit will change his alarm, or I will change the room. The irony of the story was that he never woke up by his alarm, He could hardly hear that his alram was shouting at its full voice " Chak lo riwalwar, hum apna kabza lende ae "meaning pick up the gun guys as we are here to get our land back".
Now tell, how for heavens sake can someone keep song with such lyrics as his morning alarm, the mosquitoes in his room prefered to leave the room rather than risking their lives just for few drops of blood. That day I realise a truth of life - that if I will keep even my favorite song as my morning alarm, I will end up hating it in few days.
I was not willing to quit so easily and checked his phone one day to quietly change the Alarm tone, but to my suprise other tones were as follows:
1. Daaru pe ke mele which jat nachdaaaaaaa ( meaning a JAT is dancing in a carnival after getting drunk) How the hell can u hear alchoholic songs early morning????? for those of you who dont know what does JAT stands for, better dont bother, and Just Accept Them.
2. A song of Gurdass mann explaining the benefits of cycles and its eco friendly benefits - Mehngi motor kho oo sasta cycle changa---- OO main kya lala jiiiiiii, gudaan which tyar phad ke, handle sidha kar le, cycle mitra daan shart laga ke phad le....bade paijame aur penta nu mein chaine which phasaya....Now i know after reading such awkward lyrics you will surely wanna try to hear this song, but continue reading and then search for "Gurdass man Cycle on Youtube", and and and his list was endless.
After looking at his playlist, I felt lucky to have the same old alarm tone and quickly realised that this tone was written in my destniy for the rest of my time in his room. It was not only me, his alarm I guess was kind of social service for the floor, as every body on the floor use to hear this every morning as their morning alarms. One french guy who lived in front of his room, once asked me what does this lyrics (of alarm -as he knew the song now by heart) really mean, to which i told him buddy dont ask this as I knew his (french guy) frustration and guessed he will chak his riwalwar to get back his peace of land.
The day Amit got the internship the whole floor was celebrating as they knew Amit will now be moving out from his room. The french, the italians, the Germans and the turks were all hugging each other as if their respective countries have got freedom from India after a long agonising struggle. kabhi kabhi Amit proud bhi hota tha ki aakhir kuch toh aisa kiya hai isne jisse yeh saare gore humare aage jhuke hain aur humshe pareshan hue hain, bus farak sirf itna tha ki goron ke sath sath hum bhure log bhi subha shyam aatyachar seh rahe the.
The people who were living next to Amit's room were by now, so much use to hearing this alarm every day at 6.30 am that they knew that even if Amit leaves this room, the walls, the bed, and the furniture of his room will still humm the tune at 6.30 am everyday and that sound of (humming of bed, furniture and the walls) will still be loud enough to wake them up just to realise that its the time to go to loo (toilet), drink water and slip into bed again.
"Amit Ka Alarm"
I shifted in Amit's room as i needed accomodation for few days before i can finally shift to Heidelberg for begining my Internship. Its truly said "an idea can change your life but I felt later it should have been rewritten as "a bad idea can ruin your life". Aakhir Utpeden aur atyahcar ki bhi koi seema hoti hai.
Before I explain the Alarm Saga, I want to write little bit about my friend Amit, who is a wonderful human being and offcourse yaaro ka yaar. Some of his wonders are as follows:
1. This guy Loves Butter and desi Ghee... he loves it as much as an old man loves his artificial teeths or as much as a German girl loves her American Boyfriend..Without butter he cannot eat his dinner..He puts a thick slice of butter in any kind of sabzi and eats it. This shayri perfectly explains his love for butter: "Amit aur uska ghee aksar yeh baatein karte hain "tum na hote toh main kaise hota, jispe ghee bolta hai amit se, abe tu na hota toh mera market mein itna rate bhi na hota".
2. He Smiles a lot and has a very cute Smile( isko hamesha hasne ki itni buri aadat hai ki, kabhi kabhi shak hota hai ki yeh wakai mere chutkule pe hasa ke mere pe hasa". Leave that, he is teaching some chineese how to Smile, first tip that he gave to them was - try to open your eyes when you want to smile. In returns, he asks them to cut his hairs as saloon is quite costly here in Germany, I wonder who benefits more in this deal.
3. He likes fruit juices a lot and can drink them irrespective of the occasion or gathering, sometimes he gets drunk by juices only. bhai aakhir Beer aur alchohol mein aakhir hote toh fruits hi hain naaa.
4. He likes washing his dirty clothes using others money in the washing machine, he will wake up at 2am in night and check if any washing machines are empty, bhai is mamle mein toh Maa kasam India ke baniyo ko bhi isne koso meel peeche chod diyaaa!!
But coming back to "ALARM saga", It was june 2009 when poor me decided to shift in his room for a month, I mean, I never expected that one can play such horrible songs as morning alarm, that can wake you up not thinking its morning, but waking you up to kill the singer or the person who owns that phone (In this case Amit was never an option nor was the singer).
Days passed into weeks and I woke up each day with only one hope that one day Amit will change his alarm, or I will change the room. The irony of the story was that he never woke up by his alarm, He could hardly hear that his alram was shouting at its full voice " Chak lo riwalwar, hum apna kabza lende ae "meaning pick up the gun guys as we are here to get our land back".
Now tell, how for heavens sake can someone keep song with such lyrics as his morning alarm, the mosquitoes in his room prefered to leave the room rather than risking their lives just for few drops of blood. That day I realise a truth of life - that if I will keep even my favorite song as my morning alarm, I will end up hating it in few days.
I was not willing to quit so easily and checked his phone one day to quietly change the Alarm tone, but to my suprise other tones were as follows:
1. Daaru pe ke mele which jat nachdaaaaaaa ( meaning a JAT is dancing in a carnival after getting drunk) How the hell can u hear alchoholic songs early morning????? for those of you who dont know what does JAT stands for, better dont bother, and Just Accept Them.
2. A song of Gurdass mann explaining the benefits of cycles and its eco friendly benefits - Mehngi motor kho oo sasta cycle changa---- OO main kya lala jiiiiiii, gudaan which tyar phad ke, handle sidha kar le, cycle mitra daan shart laga ke phad le....bade paijame aur penta nu mein chaine which phasaya....Now i know after reading such awkward lyrics you will surely wanna try to hear this song, but continue reading and then search for "Gurdass man Cycle on Youtube", and and and his list was endless.
After looking at his playlist, I felt lucky to have the same old alarm tone and quickly realised that this tone was written in my destniy for the rest of my time in his room. It was not only me, his alarm I guess was kind of social service for the floor, as every body on the floor use to hear this every morning as their morning alarms. One french guy who lived in front of his room, once asked me what does this lyrics (of alarm -as he knew the song now by heart) really mean, to which i told him buddy dont ask this as I knew his (french guy) frustration and guessed he will chak his riwalwar to get back his peace of land.
The day Amit got the internship the whole floor was celebrating as they knew Amit will now be moving out from his room. The french, the italians, the Germans and the turks were all hugging each other as if their respective countries have got freedom from India after a long agonising struggle. kabhi kabhi Amit proud bhi hota tha ki aakhir kuch toh aisa kiya hai isne jisse yeh saare gore humare aage jhuke hain aur humshe pareshan hue hain, bus farak sirf itna tha ki goron ke sath sath hum bhure log bhi subha shyam aatyachar seh rahe the.
The people who were living next to Amit's room were by now, so much use to hearing this alarm every day at 6.30 am that they knew that even if Amit leaves this room, the walls, the bed, and the furniture of his room will still humm the tune at 6.30 am everyday and that sound of (humming of bed, furniture and the walls) will still be loud enough to wake them up just to realise that its the time to go to loo (toilet), drink water and slip into bed again.
Your Phatichair, singning off from Latakti building Khada chauraha!!!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Diwali Party "Salty"
As a tradition, Diwali is celebrated in palemenwald strasse (student hostel) every year by Indian students who are studying in Hochschule Esslingen. So to keep up the trend all indians of the present batch were informed to meet at the 5th floor and take the tasks of their interests for the preparations of "Diwali party". It was 23rd of october and in the meeeting it was decided that Aarti will take place on 28th october (actual diwali day) and the party will be celebrated on 1st of november(weekend).
In the meeting some people choose to cook for the party, some choose to decorate the party hall, some choose to be responsible for the the (DJ) music ( poor guys never thought that it will turn out to be a nightmare for them). Anyways as every body knew there tasks, now it was time to contribute. We all decided to pool in Euros whereas some guys made excuses as they dint want to contribute. One of the funny excuses that one guy gave was that"My ATM card is blocked". To add to this when he was invited by us for the Diwali party, he replied that "can i see my schedule and let you guys know" (high blood pressure tablets helped each of us to calm down).
On 28th october every body excluding (ATM guy) got together in room number 414. A plate (pooja ki thaali) was prepared with some sindur, chawal and Diya along with a small temple. We started chantting "Om Jai Jagadish hare" and other aarti's (which were also played in laptop to keep the melody alive) or else it (boys singing) could have created a testing time for the neighbouring rooms. In the end we distributed "Prashad" and wished each other "Happy Diwali.
The next 3 days went in (event marketing) sending invitations to all the people of the hostel and friends. A Beautiful poster was placed in the elivator and in university's campuses. Since this party promised free drinks and dinner, every outsider was very exited about it.
November 1st was a sunny day and the kitchen of the 4th floor was announced as the headquarters for cooking. A team of cooks started the preparations, as a handful of people participated as helpers. At 12.00pm the whole 4th floor was buzzing with indians. By 3.00 pm cooking came into full swing with people standing on all the 16 burners with one hand on their hip and one hand occupied in making the dishes. By 5.30 the menu of the evening was ready which included Aaloo matar, Chole, Pulav, Raita, Irani Roti, Papad, Gulab Jamun and Kheer. This party was about to offer a perfect menu for every Indian after almost 60 days (since we arrived in Germany).
The party hall was very well decorated. The best part of decoration was in the "Gallery" leading towards the party hall which was completely ligthened by diya's (the only source of light made in the Gallery). The Dj's were ready with there Playlists, Laptops and Speakers which they perfectly placed in one corner of the hall. They started with light music as the fellow Indians gave the final touch to the party hall by placing all the food on the well decorated tables. It was observed that the Dj's were quite exited and happy about their job (thereafter they only smiled sarcastically).
It was 8.00 pm, the hall was packed with guests from countries like (Spain,China,Russia,France,Lebanon,Mexico,Germany,Turkey,Pakistan, Coloumbia, Brazil and in majority "India" , to our annonyance ATM guy also came). One of our senior gave the welcome speech and narrated (in short) the "legend" of Diwali, which was quite interesting for all foreigner guests (actually new for some indians too).
As the dishes were unrapped a "yummy fragnance" spread all over the party hall and every body helped himself with food. To our suprise we realised that we haven't bought spoons (a blunder, knowing that foreigners dont eat with their fingers). When asked by guests about spoons, we pretended that Indian food tastes better when eaten by fingers (only God knows what difference would spoons have made in taste). Anyways everybody adjusted their eating style. Soon we saw people licking there fingers (to eat Raita), making rolls of chapati with aalo matar. They called Gulab jamun (sweet Balls) which they mixed with kheer in a disposable glass and made a sweet dish of there own (they literally drank this mixture). Wonder why i dint get to eat all this because people drank the stuff (sweet dishes) which was supposed to be eaten.
It was now time for some "Dance shance" and the so far confident DJ's were playing some popular english numbers to keep the international crowd happy. Soon after to their (DJ's) annoyance came a request to play a tamil number. A request which if denied would have costed some "Broken bones".
So the poor guys played that tamil track on which the person who requested only danced. Recalled next day as "Bull Dance" (instead of Ball dance) by one of my European friend. The guests wanted to enjoy the Indian music and were trying hard to copy our "Bhangra steps" (their Efforts looked to us as the dance of Programmed Robot's).
As foreigners got tired with the indian way of dancing (unlike their's Ball dance) they started to leave. Since DJ's were responsible to hold the party longer, they played some Salsa and spanish dance numbers which was for us (Indians) very ackward as they (foreigners) were dancing in pairs with girls and all of us could only see (our excuse was that we are out of practise in Salsa).
Indians very soon got frustrated with this and the DJ's came back into the firing line of not playing Indian numbers to keep the local crowd happy. Very soon almost every Indian asked to play his favorite number (Nightmare for Dj's was at its peak) as now the party was divided into 2 groups.
It was 12 am as somebody announced that it was "Prassana's Birthday". What happened next was quite obvious, Prassana ran out of the party hall to escape himself from the Birthday "Bumps". But he soon saw himself hanging in the air and people coming and kicking him one by one. Some Indians took a long run up (like shoaib akhtar does) to swell up his A.... This sight left a big impact on all the guests. They enjoyed this Indian "tradition" very much and for (prassana's displease) some even tried out their " kicks"on him. Poor Prasanna came into the rescue of DJ's as all the attention was now diverted on him.
I promise that, that night every European, American and Asian (Paki, chinesse etc) would have given a thought on not to mess around with Indians in future as they can become very painful when "angry" (wondering how painful could their "love" be).
We ended up cleaning the hall and utensils at at 1.30 am. It was time for some group photographs and cherishing the funny moments of the day. A sense of satisfaction was clearly visible on our faces because every body has enjoyed the food and decoration. For many this "Diwali party" became a "w o n d e r f u l" memory and for someone it became wondardful memory.
BTW i was one of those unlucky DJ's.
In the meeting some people choose to cook for the party, some choose to decorate the party hall, some choose to be responsible for the the (DJ) music ( poor guys never thought that it will turn out to be a nightmare for them). Anyways as every body knew there tasks, now it was time to contribute. We all decided to pool in Euros whereas some guys made excuses as they dint want to contribute. One of the funny excuses that one guy gave was that"My ATM card is blocked". To add to this when he was invited by us for the Diwali party, he replied that "can i see my schedule and let you guys know" (high blood pressure tablets helped each of us to calm down).
On 28th october every body excluding (ATM guy) got together in room number 414. A plate (pooja ki thaali) was prepared with some sindur, chawal and Diya along with a small temple. We started chantting "Om Jai Jagadish hare" and other aarti's (which were also played in laptop to keep the melody alive) or else it (boys singing) could have created a testing time for the neighbouring rooms. In the end we distributed "Prashad" and wished each other "Happy Diwali.
The next 3 days went in (event marketing) sending invitations to all the people of the hostel and friends. A Beautiful poster was placed in the elivator and in university's campuses. Since this party promised free drinks and dinner, every outsider was very exited about it.
November 1st was a sunny day and the kitchen of the 4th floor was announced as the headquarters for cooking. A team of cooks started the preparations, as a handful of people participated as helpers. At 12.00pm the whole 4th floor was buzzing with indians. By 3.00 pm cooking came into full swing with people standing on all the 16 burners with one hand on their hip and one hand occupied in making the dishes. By 5.30 the menu of the evening was ready which included Aaloo matar, Chole, Pulav, Raita, Irani Roti, Papad, Gulab Jamun and Kheer. This party was about to offer a perfect menu for every Indian after almost 60 days (since we arrived in Germany).
The party hall was very well decorated. The best part of decoration was in the "Gallery" leading towards the party hall which was completely ligthened by diya's (the only source of light made in the Gallery). The Dj's were ready with there Playlists, Laptops and Speakers which they perfectly placed in one corner of the hall. They started with light music as the fellow Indians gave the final touch to the party hall by placing all the food on the well decorated tables. It was observed that the Dj's were quite exited and happy about their job (thereafter they only smiled sarcastically).
It was 8.00 pm, the hall was packed with guests from countries like (Spain,China,Russia,France,Lebanon,Mexico,Germany,Turkey,Pakistan, Coloumbia, Brazil and in majority "India" , to our annonyance ATM guy also came). One of our senior gave the welcome speech and narrated (in short) the "legend" of Diwali, which was quite interesting for all foreigner guests (actually new for some indians too).
As the dishes were unrapped a "yummy fragnance" spread all over the party hall and every body helped himself with food. To our suprise we realised that we haven't bought spoons (a blunder, knowing that foreigners dont eat with their fingers). When asked by guests about spoons, we pretended that Indian food tastes better when eaten by fingers (only God knows what difference would spoons have made in taste). Anyways everybody adjusted their eating style. Soon we saw people licking there fingers (to eat Raita), making rolls of chapati with aalo matar. They called Gulab jamun (sweet Balls) which they mixed with kheer in a disposable glass and made a sweet dish of there own (they literally drank this mixture). Wonder why i dint get to eat all this because people drank the stuff (sweet dishes) which was supposed to be eaten.
It was now time for some "Dance shance" and the so far confident DJ's were playing some popular english numbers to keep the international crowd happy. Soon after to their (DJ's) annoyance came a request to play a tamil number. A request which if denied would have costed some "Broken bones".
So the poor guys played that tamil track on which the person who requested only danced. Recalled next day as "Bull Dance" (instead of Ball dance) by one of my European friend. The guests wanted to enjoy the Indian music and were trying hard to copy our "Bhangra steps" (their Efforts looked to us as the dance of Programmed Robot's).
As foreigners got tired with the indian way of dancing (unlike their's Ball dance) they started to leave. Since DJ's were responsible to hold the party longer, they played some Salsa and spanish dance numbers which was for us (Indians) very ackward as they (foreigners) were dancing in pairs with girls and all of us could only see (our excuse was that we are out of practise in Salsa).
Indians very soon got frustrated with this and the DJ's came back into the firing line of not playing Indian numbers to keep the local crowd happy. Very soon almost every Indian asked to play his favorite number (Nightmare for Dj's was at its peak) as now the party was divided into 2 groups.
It was 12 am as somebody announced that it was "Prassana's Birthday". What happened next was quite obvious, Prassana ran out of the party hall to escape himself from the Birthday "Bumps". But he soon saw himself hanging in the air and people coming and kicking him one by one. Some Indians took a long run up (like shoaib akhtar does) to swell up his A.... This sight left a big impact on all the guests. They enjoyed this Indian "tradition" very much and for (prassana's displease) some even tried out their " kicks"on him. Poor Prasanna came into the rescue of DJ's as all the attention was now diverted on him.
I promise that, that night every European, American and Asian (Paki, chinesse etc) would have given a thought on not to mess around with Indians in future as they can become very painful when "angry" (wondering how painful could their "love" be).
We ended up cleaning the hall and utensils at at 1.30 am. It was time for some group photographs and cherishing the funny moments of the day. A sense of satisfaction was clearly visible on our faces because every body has enjoyed the food and decoration. For many this "Diwali party" became a "w o n d e r f u l" memory and for someone it became wondardful memory.
BTW i was one of those unlucky DJ's.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)